The Random Ramblings of Samm Diep

On this day...

On this day, August 28th, 2007, at approximately 2a.m., I have finally returned home. It was a 14 hour drive from Minneapolis after being on the road for the past 36 days (minus a one week return in the midst of that somewhere).

On this day, I take a deep breath and I'm thankful for my life, my health, my friends and family, all the great fortune I've had, and my cognizance (I had to look up the spelling on that one).

On this day, after five months of staring at the same date, I finally removed the 162 pages of days from the Kakuro desk calendar I purchased for myself for only $4 in mid-January that resides on my nightstand. I loved this thing! It was a 16-month calendar and since I got it after the first of the year, I carried around September through mid-January in my bag as a travel Kakuro. I diligently completed each Kakuro-of-the-day before bed every night for those two months.

It was, however, on that night, March 20th, that marked the beginning of the end. It was that very night after returning from Valley Forge, when I first heard the words uttered from his mouth, "I think I should move out," and the night that time proverbially stood still for me...........until now.

Staring at the half finished Kakuro from March 20th for the past five months has not been easy. Of course I've been tempted to just tear off the pages and complete the puzzles. Do I rip off the entire chunk? Should I do them a few days at a time and just let the calendar be behind? Honestly, this minor dilemma was not any reason for not slicing the pages off. In many ways, I left it up to symbolize an evening that would ultimately change the course of my life.

It wasn't until now, returning from one of my many journeys this summer, finally releasing the fear of not knowing what lies in my future, and realizing how much happier and more rewarding and fulfilling my life is going to be without him, that I am now able to remove those pages (those so many pages in fact, that I had to get it started with my office scissors).

Today also marks the day that after sitting in my car for 14 hours, I returned home to hear the gory details of a dear friend's recent tragedy, something that would not only change her life, but mine and many of those around us. This one's a doozie and things will never be the same.

I spent most of my drive listening to the audio book Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich that was lent to me weeks ago by my good friend Carter from Dallas. He is in so many ways such a huge support and inspiration in my life. I've finished five out of the seven CDs and on this day, it too has changed my life, a little.

Many kids are starting school this week. The nights are becoming less summer-like. And, I'll be spending the next few days preparing to leave for this year's Chinese Camp. Unlike last year, I am now an experienced counselor/facilitator and at least have an idea of what to expect. I can't wait to see my kids from last year, many of whom I've been keeping in touch with via email, and am looking forward to another humbling experience.

Since it's now not even 10a.m. yet, there is so much more I may end up sharing about this day, but after being awakened by an early phone call and unable to fall back asleep when realizing how sore my left knee, left butt cheek, and right elbow are from driving, I decided to just get up and post this entry. If I didn't do it at just this moment, it may not have happened at all.

In my Denver life, it's rare to find me up this early, especially having been up for the past hour and a half, typing away. In my Minneapolis life, this is the typical time (on Central time of course) that I've been starting my days and I really appreciate it.

So much has happened in the past couple months, two months on the nose I just noticed since my last post. In case you haven't already figured out on your own, yes, the handsome guy from the flier (and many of my Vegas photos) and I are now officially dating. We've been good to better friends for the past few years and it wasn't until during my second stint in Vegas that I found myself dodging the romantic sparks that were undeniably flying at us left and right.

We've since, pacingly (a word I just made up), kept in close contact and built quite a solid foundation for an open, understanding friendship and courtship. I've never had a long distance relationship before. We prefer to call it a Dual Residency Relationship since we've been splitting our time together between both places. Although it's been tough staying apart for more than two weeks at a time, things have been moving at a moderate, comfortable pace. Being such good friends for so long really makes it easy to maintain our great level of communication and awareness.

He treats me so well, I don't even know how to accept it. I had an inkling of how taken for granted and neglected I was in my previous relationship but had no idea how good it could possibly be until now. Am I merely seeing the world through rose colored glasses? Well, only time will tell. But for now, I'm enjoying every second of it, in somewhat mild disbelief, appreciating the companionship and undeniable compatibility of my new boyfriend, remembering what it's like to feel longed for and missed, and mutually respecting and admiring one another for who we are.

I'm so grateful for all of my experiences.

posted by Samm @ 8/28/2007 09:06:00 AM