A Little Misunderstood
Sometimes, I just feel like nobody really "gets" me...
It seems the harder I try, the worst it makes it. I give up! Who cares anymore?!!
The people that get me are the ones that really care and the ones that want to know me are the ones that I want to know.
I'm tired of trying and I'm tired of being judged and ridiculed for who I am.
If you can't believe I am who I really am, then you don't really know me anyway.
And, if you do know me and you still can't accept that I am who I am, then there's just nothing I can do about that, is there?
Quite frankly, what you see is exactly what you get.
Success can be a lonely road and accomplishments are not meant to be shared with everyone. Regardless of your efforts, respect can not always be earned and loyalties are not always loyal.
I just can't worry about it anymore...
The Perfect Complete Day
Mike and I made our way back from Minneapolis on Wednesday and haven't stopped working for one day.
Yesterday was, in just about every possible way, the most perfect day I could put together.
It started pretty early with a 9:30a.m. meeting that Mike brought me to.
Afterwards, we met Didi, from camp, at the
Denver Rescue Mission to serve lunch to the homeless. It was such an amazing experience. In my years of volunteers work, I have been involved with some pretty elaborate but completely chaotic projects and I have also been involved with some extremely systematic, highly organized projects as well. Obviously, it's much more fun to be a part of the latter.
My experience yesterday at the rescue mission definitely fell in that category. There was a place for everything and everything in its place. There were systems, rules and procedures and I was happy to abide by them. Mike and I had an amazing time with a humbling experience and I can't wait to go back next week. We even got to take a complete tour of the facility before we left.
Afterwards, we stopped by the mall in search for some tournament shirts for me to get Mike's
Billiard Coach logo put on. That part was unsuccessful but we did have a couple of
really great pretzels while we were there.
I asked Mike to take these photos for me at the mall of the crowds surrounding the public television watching the Broncos game. That's just funny to me.
Our next
stop was to
Shakespeares. Mike and I played some 3-cushion before heading to dinner at
Le Central with our out-of-town friends from Montana. The food and the company was unbeatable! Mike and I left with sore cheeks from laughing so hard and a full belly of a French smörgåsbord of baked brie, escargot, duckling, mussels, and so much more.
Overall, our jam-packed day could not have gone any better.
Looking forward to the many more to come...
Free
Sometimes, it's easy to get so wrapped up with the details of the "problems" we're facing that we lose sight of the big picture. The distraction of those details can become so overwhelming to us that we are enveloped by things that may be out of our control.
A few days ago, I heard news that Chisolm's new girlfriend was going around town, around our mutual pool community town, and telling people that I wanted to kick her butt (censored for the public viewing of this blog). Why would I want to kick her butt when
I'm the one that upgraded? Regardless, they don't exist to me.
My point is that upon hearing this news, I was annoyed and reacted accordingly. I sent an email to Chisolm asking them to refrain from the slander and in response received two emails from him, detailing the events that occurred. Spared me the details! Just don't let IT or anything like IT happen!
The possibility of rumors being spread about me by my ex and his new fling are, in the big picture, so completely insignificant. But, I wasted an entire day consumed with the idea of it.
It took a gruesome, emotional email from a friend to make me realize that other people have problems so much heavier than mine and what I may think is the end of the world is so minuscule compared to what is actually the end of the world for some.
After this discover, I took a hot shower and returned to my inbox to draft an apology to Chisolm for the tone of my recent emails. I explained that though I do not want to be friends, I definitely do not want to be enemies. There's no room for hatred in my life.
Shortly after hitting "send" I bumped into him at
Table Steaks East and apologized again in person. It was the most amazing thing.
I saw him across the room. I walked over. I talked to him for all of three minutes. And, I felt
nothing... Absolutely nothing.
I looked at his face, his unshaved (for at least a few days) face, and felt no attraction, no love, no hatred, just complete and utter indifference. I had no anxiety, no nervousness, no awkwardness. I felt free.
I'm leaving now for Dallas for a
tournament this weekend and fly straight from Dallas to Minneapolis on Monday to see
Mike. I'm really looking forward to it.
Catchya on the flip side (unless there's anything juicy to blog about before I get back).
More (but completely unrelated) Pix
Days 2 & 3 of Camp
Day 2 of camp started of a bit rocky, but finished with a BANG!
Our first activity which was scheduled to begin at 9a.m. (ugh, I know...) left us waiting at the door until 9:30. Perhaps they didn't see the rush in letting us in because they were safe inside the doors while we were the ones waiting outside with the 40 restless 12-year-olds.
When we were finally let in, half the group made beautiful hand-painted scarfs while the other half of the group decorated little black purses with piggies (since we're currently in the
Year of the Pig.
After the purse and scarf making was an activity on journaling where the kids were each given their own journals and encouraged to share some deep thoughts, doodles, scribbles, etc.
Fortunately, journaling only lasted about an hour before parents were arriving to pick up their kids for lunch. Another day of hot dogs & chips, or bland, undercooked fried rice with potstickers. Today we had grilled chicken strips with fruit. I had a little of everything, of course.
After lunch, we split into two preassigned groups. Half the kids took a cooking class and I took the other half, along with three other counselors, canoing. We debated for awhile on whether or not we should go because the weather was beginning to look a bit questionable. Even when we got there, we had to bring our canoes in for 1/2 an hour because lightning was spotted.
We did end up canoing for about an hour and everything was grand. My arms are a bit tired because every one of my rows was equivalent to about five of McKaylee's rows but that's okay. We still had fun!
This would be our last activity for the day before dinner and regrouping. Later that night, the kids put on a show for their parents and afterwards there was a special party. Last year, many of them were 6th graders. The 6th graders have a skating party where they have the whole rink to themselves. This year, they had snacks, games, music, and an entire room to themselves.
Zee, one of the other counselors, and I stopped by and hung out with them at their party till the end. It was so amazing...
Monday morning was another early morning. This is when the counselors receive our certificates for participating, extra camp counselor t-shirts (if so desired), Thank You mugs with the
CHC logo, a group photo of (usually it's our group photo w/ our kids) all the counselors, and a lot of praise for all our hard work.
Sunday wraps up with a slide show of adorable, tear-jerking random photos from the weekend and lots and lots of shirt-signing, hugs, email address exchanges, and farewells. I can't wait to do it all again next year!
Day 1 of Camp & Pix
(written 11:10p.m., September 1, 2007)
It’s amazing how dependent we’ve become on the internet. Here I am, 100 miles from home, in the middle of the wilderness, opening this Word document to draft this post, knowing there is absolutely no wireless reception and internet connection but yet somehow I still can’t help but to instinctively try to open Firefox (that’s what I’m supposed to use now instead of Internet Explorer, says
Mike).
As I lay here, completely wiped out at the end of an incredibly eventful Day 1 at camp, I reflect upon the genuine excitement from me and my campers when I saw them again, the tiredness in my shoulders from carrying my backpack around all day, my bloated belly caused by the what must’ve been 15 pound cafeteria refueling with a bonus pint carton of chocolate milk, the weariness of my legs from deciding to walk four miles to and from camp from our cabin for the Saturday Night Social in hopes to burn off some of that dinner, the aching in my back from hunching over for two hours while working the face painting booth at the social, and the many more aches and pains I’m looking forward to acquiring this weekend.
A sense of home and security is something many of us have and may take for granted. The camp this year was full when the record breaking 375 families signed up within the first 10 minutes of the registration window opening. Families traveled from New York, California, Texas, and various other US states to afford their Chinese adopted child(ren), usually daughter(s), the opportunity to have this experience.
At camp, some of these kids are forced to be away from their adopted parents for the first time ever. Many of them were adopted from orphanages and have already experienced at age two, three, and four the anxiety of being separated from the only family they know. Chinese Camp encourages them to build relationships with other kids just like them. Many of these relationships last 10+ years.
Without having been adopted by an American family, I could never begin to imagine what it must be like to know that you look different from your parents and siblings and, for some, have haunting memories of a less pleasant time living in an orphanage. How many of us can relate to that? I cannot. All I can do is be grateful for the valued sense of family love and security my mom has always offered me. I’ve never had to feel doubt or abandonment.
Now, fortunately, these kids don’t have to either.
More on Day 2 to come. Here's the online photo album:
