Have a terrific weekend!

I'm headed to Houston this weekend for a tournament. Enjoy your weekend & I'll catch you on the flip side!

I'm so mechanical!

My new/old dryer has not been working for some time now. Finally, yesterday, my friend Robbie helped me remove the heating element. I took it to the appliance store, ordered the replacement part, and picked up the new part today. I reassembled the entire thing, plugged it in, and voila! It heated up again. YAY!

Something you may not know about me:
When I was a kid, I used to take our family phone apart and put it back together again. I loved pulling all the wires and parts out of the receiver, taking them all apart, and then fitting it all back together again. That was fun.

Had a pretty productive day today...

Big Girls Don't Cry...

I wore shorts today!

Today, I broke in my new dark green Old Navy cargo board shorts that I bought on clearance at the end of the summer season last year.

First day of shorts of the year.

I had three appointments that all did not happen today. Sometimes it just works like that.

I am feeling much better at the moment, much calmer, much more level-headed. I hope it lasts...

Pissed Off Phase

I'm pissed off!

It's much less painful than feeling hurt, betrayed, and abandoned.

I'm angry!!!

I QUIT!

So sad...

Some days are better than others.

Some moments are better than others.

I'm afraid to just let it out.

I may never stop crying...

I am level-headed.

I am clear and understand what's happening.

Besides, I'm the mature one.

But that doesn't change the fact that I still have to go through this.

It's not fair!

It's just not fair!!!

How is that fair?!

Throughout a committed relationship, both parties collectively make decisions together throughout the entire process. They mutually agree to be together, to stay together, to get engaged, and to be a family.

How is it fair that only one person can single-handedly choose to take all that away?

Shouldn't that be a mutual decision as well?

Shouldn't both parties get a say in that final decision?

It's just as big of a decision as any other one at this point.

p.s. Thank you for all your support as I have very publicly been sharing my most personal thoughts and feelings throughout this process. The responses have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive.

I genuinely appreciate it.

Empty...

I'm so empty inside.

My heart still hurts.

Well, I guess it would if there was anything left.

Some moments throughout the day are better than others.

Am I really as strong as I think I am?

As strong as I want others to think I am?

How courageous do you need to be?

When is it okay to break down?

Since I've been back from Tulsa, I've lost:

my voice, 6 pounds, my faith and my heart

Who knows if I will find any of them.

Sometimes things happen that you never imagined would ever happen.

You watch as it's happening right in front of your eyes.

And you feel completely helpless.

My legs were numb.

My hands were trembling.

I'm alone, empty, hollow...

HappEeeeeeeeeeeeaster! Does anyone have a voice they can spare?

Things have been much better (for me) since I recently wrote about my aching heart. So far, everyday has been incredibly productive and eventful, and my busy days have really helped to keep my mind occupied.

Thursday morning started off a bit poopy but later picked up. I was on my way to a 1 o'clock appointment and as I was just getting out of my neighborhood, I passed a retirement home to my right. When I glanced over, I saw an elderly man sitting on the bench outside with a straw hat, hunched over like he had fallen asleep. Nothing to be alarmed about except that his poor arms were bright red like they were totally sunburned. It was about 12:30p.m. and the sun had been out all morning.

If I weren't just barely running on time, I would've pulled over to make sure he was okay. Instead, I called information to look up the phone number for the nursing home. As the phone rang, I followed traffic and approached a right turn where a cop was standing in the middle of the road with a small stop sign in his hand and directed me to pull over. Apparently, I was speeding. Rats!

I was so distracted and completely caught off guard. I tried to explain to him that I was trying to save a man's life and what I had just seen, but he didn't care. He was quite the jerk about it. He said, "I don't understand how seeing a man on a bench would make you go 15 miles over the speed limit." According to him, I was going 55 in a 40. Yikes! I was?!??? Anyway, that sucked!

The rest of the day was filled with busy work until I stopped by the Skylark to see my good friend Tom Ross. He runs a free Thursday night pool clinic and I thought I would be catching the butt-end of it. I arrived around 8:30 and the fun had really just begun. One of the greatest qualities about Tom is that he never forgets a name and he always makes you feel important, no matter who you are!

When I arrived, Tom was standing at a pool table, in the middle of a presentation. There were about 20 people in the room and he had each and every single one of their attention. In mid sentence, as I walked into the room, he stopped to announce, "Hey Sammi! Congratulations on your 2nd place finish at the BCA Midwest Championships!" Then, after a very brief pause, he says, "Does everyone know Sammi Diep? 4 time national champion and writer for AZBilliards, Professor Q Ball, etc. etc. ..." Needless to say, I was incredibly flattered and appreciative of the recognition and confidence boost. It was well needed at that moment.

I had only planned to stop by for a moment, but ended up spending my entire night there. I had laughed more then than I had in a long time and was really starting to feel like myself again. I even did my famous 'physics of a stop shot' presentation to a group of about 12 people. However, that was the beginning of the end of my voice...

Since then, it's only gotten worse and worse everyday. It's my own fault. I am so fortunate to have such an amazing support system as I'm going through such difficult times, but because of it, I have not shut up for the past four days. So, everyday, it's been getting a little worse and worse and worse. Until last night, when I finally couldn't speak at all.

Today is Easter Sunday and I'm heading to Hikle's for Easter lunch/dinner. I think I'll just be whispering today so it doesn't get any worse (if it's possible). My throat was actually starting to hurt last night. I hope I didn't do any permanent damage.

It's amazing. I don't think I've ever lost my voice! I have pretty strong vocal chords. I can remember getting sick and really sick and wishing I could have just a little bit of a sexy, raspy voice but it would just never happen. Well, I don't know about the sexy part, but I'm raspy alright. Last night, my friend Robert said it sounded like I'd been sucking on helium... :(

Anyway, HAPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASTER!!!

My Heart Hurts...

(gloomy thoughts on a beautiful, sunny Colorado morning)

It hurts. It physically hurts.

The pain is indescribable to anyone that's never experienced it.

With every beat, it aches more and more.

How do I stop it?

Al Green never figured it out. Is it time???

Can time truly be the only thing that can mend a broken heart?

Dogs, Turtles, Friends, and Interests help to stay occupied.

But, are you truly occupied when this thing consumes you?

The body may be but is the mind?... The soul?... The heart?...

A monster has hurt my heart.

It's bigger than me.

I'm staying as strong as I know how.

Undeniably, I'm preoccupied. I'm hollow. I'm in pain.

My heart is very sad.

To Blog or not to Blog...

Sometimes, there are things going on in your life that are so personal and so painful that it's difficult to share or write about. In which case, it's even tougher to share them in a public forum like this.

My point it, that's why I haven't been writing lately. I do have some not-so-deep things to share. Maybe this week...

It's hard to stay strong and positive when your heart hurts.